Drive-By Friending, and other Facebook Crimes and Misdemeanors

Social systems have structure. They all do. From the golf course, to the race track, to the dinner table, to all manner of  things where people interact, structure, both written and unwritten must exist for things to move along and progress to be made. This is actually true for things in nature as well.

 

As is true in the offline world, so, too, is this true in the online, virtual world. We even have derisive names for those unfortunates who break these rules. Spammers, trolls, and noobs immediately come to mind.  This has really made itself seen in the world of social media. While there are several different social media platforms on which to look at and observe this social structure, I want to focus on Facebook. Facebook, almost ubiquitous with now over a billion users, is the logical choice.

There are several rules, again, written (as in Facebook’s Terms of Service and the now-infamous “Big 5” for Business Pages: 1. no images that are more than 20% text; 2. no purchase information, such as “40% off, or “download it on…”; 3. no contact information like a website address, email, mailing address, or information that should go in the Page’s “About” section; 4. no references to Facebook features or actions, such as “Like” or “Share” or an arrow pointing from the cover photo to any of these features; or, 5. no calls to action, such as “Get it now” or “Tell your friends”), but even more intriguing and interesting, the unwritten, “everybody should just know” types of guidelines.  Note though, if you’re a business and you have someone managing your  Business Page and it has any of these “no-no’s,” get someone else in there, FAST, before Facebook shuts down your page.  If you’re a social media “pro” and are doing this stuff to your clients, first, you’re really no “pro” in the first place, and, secondly, imagine how THEY’LL react when Facebook takes action.  Yep… it won’t be pretty!

I’ll use that as a jumping off point to point out some other “high crimes and misdemeanors” I see way too often while traveling the highways and byways of Facebook. 

One of the things that I actually consider rude is “drive-by friending.” Those who have heard me speak on social media and Facebook know what I mean here. Drive-by friending (I predict “friending,” and its antonym, “unfriending,” will be designated as verbs in Webster’s Dictionary before the end of 2014, mark my words.) is the phenomenon where someone you don’t otherwise know sends you a friend request with absolutely no accompanying information. No PM (personal message) explaining why, or context for the request. Even now, most people at least call first before dropping by your house. Why not the same with your Facebook home? (I’ll use the “Facebook as home” metaphor several times in this post, so be ready.)  If you want to friend someone on Facebook (Twitter, and the other platforms where connecting doesn’t use the request-approve methodology Facebook, LinkedIn, and some others have, are exempt from this “rule.”), send them a message, most often in the form of a PM, but is also allowable in a comment thread (as long as it doesn’t violate the “hijacking” offense I’ll address next), in person at an event you’re both attending, or by some other venue. You get the drift. Something along the line of “I’m growing my network and I see we have some friends in common. Would you like to connect?”, or; “We met at the party at Paul’s house and would like to connect with you here;” or “I see that we both RSVP’d to the Young Sacramento Mixer. May we connect here?” You get the idea.    

Have you ever commented on a post from a Facebook friend, say about a new puppy they’ve brought into the family?  The subsequent posts then congratulate the friend, tell them how cute the puppy is, asks the name... you know, things that are RELEVANT to the original post. Now, imagine (you’ve seen this, I’m sure), out of the blue, someone (usually not even a connected to the original poster) comments with “Hey Beth, you need to call me. Cousin Heather’s going to Las Vegas, and we want to get as many of us as we can together to go with her.” Beth answers (still on the new puppy thread), “Las Vegas? Really? Okay. I’ll be at your house tomorrow, we can talk about it over a glass of wine.” The response, “That sounds good. I just got my carpet cleaned, so we’ll have to be careful.” THAT, ladies and gentlemen is called “hijacking a thread.” In a word: don’t. 

While these “sins” I’m addressing may seem “official,” some are no more than my personal preferences and pet peeves. But, you have to admit, these deeds of wrongdoing are universally frustrating, no?

On that particular list is the Facebook phenomenon of poking. Facebook intended it to be a way to quickly, easily let someone know you’re thinking of them, I imagine. Here’s the thing…isn’t the BEST way to let someone know you’re thinking of them to just go to their wall and post that you’re thinking of them? What ends up happening is, you poke me, I poke you… You poke me, I poke you back. An endless game of poke ensues and stunts more conventional, more adult communication. I don’t poke, but you can imagine with 5,000 Facebook friends how often I get poked by various ad sundry people. My typical response was to go onto the “poker’s” profile, look for the music they like, then post a YouTube music video in that genre. I’d let them know I got their poke and that this was my poke back. I’d then go and delete their poke notification. Poking (the Facebook kind) is infantile and juvenile. If you do it, please stop.    

Spamming is one of those things that pretty much everyone knows is offensive, wrong, and just really, really tacky and pedestrian. There’s not much more to mention in respect to that EXCEPT that there are the “innocent” spammers out there. Unfortunately, some are really savvy and know exactly what they’re doing.  Those are the people who, without your knowledge and permission, post an event THEY’RE doing onto your wall. They promote themselves or something they want people outside of their current friends list to know about - they may not think it’s spam, but it is. Anything posted on your wall meant to advertise, promote, or sell something with which you, yourself are not involved, is spam. Period. People with large friends lists tend to get targeted with this sort of spam way too often.   

There are no free lunches. That’s true in life, and especially true on Facebook. If you see a link on your wall and offers of free Southwest Airline tickets, iPads, or anything else, please do NOT click on it. If you see a link (from a friend, just as with the free stuff offer), and it mentions an embarrassing video of you or a view of Osama Bin Laden’s body, or some young sweetie exposed, please do NOT click on the link. I would go so far as to say, if there’s ANY link on your wall posted by a friend without any explanation, don’t click on it until you’ve had a discussion with that friend and he/she confirms that it’s benign. What happens when you click on the link, is that it activates a virus that instantly sends the same offer to your ENTIRE friends list. The more malicious forms actually phish info, gets passwords and locks you and your friends out of their accounts and sends their personal information to a third party where even MORE damage is done.

You are, no matter what your privacy settings are, a public persona when you are partaking in the sweet nectar Facebook has become. There are advantages and disadvantages of that. Whatever they are, there is absolutely no reason to “inside statement” everyone. It’s akin to saying something out loud that is obviously an inside joke. Posting “Whew, that was close” and nothing else, with no explanation, then rebuffing the obvious, concerned questions, with “I can’t tell you yet” is plain rude! Please don’t do it.

Speaking of attention-seeking behaviors, if you’re going to take a break from Facebook for a while, for whatever reason, please do, but there is absolutely no need to make a big, public announcement. That you’re not commenting or posting is notice enough. Those who know you and who are close to you can, and will, call, email, or text you if they’re concerned. Otherwise, it really just looks like a plea for attention and the joy that comes from a myriad of people telling you to please don’t leave. Honestly? Those people are just being polite. People who feel the need to wish Facebook goodnight, are you listening?  Just get thee to bed, We’ll “see” you in the morning.

Having “post-gasms” (the act of posting multiple things is a very short period of time) usually results in people just ignoring you, “Boy Who Cried Wolf”-style.” Limit the number of consecutive posts to two or three in an hour.  If it’s a special kind of event (Superbowl, Grammys, Oscars, Emmys, etc), and you’re doing a play-by-play, please go for it. You’re providing value, something that’s always encouraged in social media. (Leave out the “Twitters-speak,” though.)  Otherwise, it just becomes “white noise” to be ignored.

As for “Twitter-speak,” that is, symbols and combinations such as RT, @tonygates44, and other signs and symbols that are from obvious tweets, when you’re on Facebook, speak Facebook. Hashtags are slowly making their way to Facebook, which, personally, I love. This is not Google +, however, were the great majority of users are social media adept. This is Facebook (over 1 billion users, remember?), the social media platform for “everyman and everywoman.” Treat it as such. If you ARE going to use hashtags, follow Twitter etiquette and keep them to three or less per post. My prediction? The hashtags for Facebook trend will fade.

If you’re on Facebook as a business, then be on Facebook as a business and get a Business Page. Businesses masquerading as “people” isn’t right, and allows the offending business to intrude on people and their lives without permission. Would you actually wish a business happy birthday? C’mon!  How would you feel if Coca Cola tried to friend you?  This also skirts Facebook’s TOS (Terms of Service).       

Another thing done that skirts the Facebook TOS (and is against the law in California) is the fake profile. If you have a profile where you purport to be someone you aren’t, you can be arrested and jailed (in good ol’ Cali), or just banned from Facebook. I’m kinda like that with multiple profiles. I know people with “alter egos” or alternate profiles that keep their lives/friends/content/family segmented.  My suggestion is to just create lists that segment these entities and post within that list. Facebook will catch this as well, especially if your alter-ego is named something obvious like “Sports Junkie” or "Ben Dover."   

       

I could go on, but at the risk of being sanctimonious (this post is twice as long as my typical post - a sure indicator of sanctimony), I’ll stop here. There are others, but we can save those for future posts.

Facebook is an amazing tool. But it is just that – a tool. We should use it (within the official and unofficial social guidelines and mores set forth) and not let it use us. As good and useful as it is, it is just as important to get out there and “shake hands and kiss babies.”

That’s the point!

The Price of Words

Missouri. The “Show Me State.”

Words. Better, it’s a nice, catchy state slogan like the 49 other (at least mostly) catchy state slogans. That was until I met my first “real” (meaning non-military) boss, Kevin Fowler. Even better was that Kevin Fowler is from this very same “Show Me State.” Who better, then, to actually push, cajole, kick, reward, and, really, lead me to the belief that is this state slogan as well?


(Kevin Fowler)

Pfizer was my very first “real” (civilian) job after spending 11 years in the Army as an artillery officer. Oh I was hot stuff - a West Point graduate, commanded troops, worked with nuclear weapons, responsible for the actual and literal lives of every man and woman in the units under my command… I was IT! I was trained by the world’s best leaders, at the world’s foremost leadership institution. I have classmates and close friends in a graduating class that has more than its share of General officers… I also served as a young officer under a bevy of leaders, some better than others, but that’s what I did. I led. I was a leader, I got things done.

Or so I thought. Kevin was my District Manager when I was a pharmaceutical sales representative for the largest drug maker on the planet. I would, thanks to Kevin and his boss, Regional Manager Duane Putnam, learn what leadership was and would use those very lessons and techniques when I was eventually promoted to District Manager. I went in thinking that these “mere civilians” (although Duane was a former naval officer) could teach me nothing more about leading people. Boy, was I wrong! Kevin (with lots of help from Duane) LED me out of my shaky Pfizer start by demanding I stop doing something that actually worked to get me through a pretty good Army career... He made me get past my tendency to “talk a good game.” I was good at it too… I would readily and easily tell people that I had everything under control, that everything would be okay, that I was on a path to success… to “watch my smoke” when I was assigned a task or had to give a status update. I let my words speak for me.

Kevin would frequently, and to great effect, call my bluff EVERY time. I came to almost (aw, who am I kidding… I really disliked him and dreaded our field rides together) regard him as “the enemy” and treated him as such. I’m certain that he didn’t relish his time with me either, but he stuck with it, and me, as any good leader would. I like to think it was because he saw something in me.


(My Pfizer, Chicago South District)

I saw that his making me show him, not tell him was having a positive, a really amazing result on my sales performance. I started to really enjoy calling on my physicians and providers and actually making a difference in their patients' lives thanks to the accurate, well-presented clinical information I was giving them. They WANTED to see me… They, and their staffs LOOKED FORWARD to seeing me. I was getting beyond the surface, beyond the superficial, and helping. I ended up winning a multitude of sales awards, including the Representative of the Year Award for two of the four years I was a sales rep. I attribute my success to Kevin and will be eternally thankful to him. We are great friends still (this all happened in the 1992 – 1996 time-frame).

What’s more, is that as a part of the Pfizer expansion, Kevin left to St Louis (we were in the Chicago South District at the time) to manage a newly-created District, and promoted ME to come be his Institutional Sales Rep – a promoted position to help him!! Further, after a stint at Pfizer Training (a promotion I got because of Kevin’s fierce advocacy), the Regional Manager who promoted me to the coveted District Manager position was, yes, Duane Putnam!


(Me with fellow District Managers JoAnn Yeksigian, Rodney Stewart, and Regional Manager Duane Putnam)

I don’t want to discount the hard work, effort, great teammates and counterparts that made me successful at Pfizer, but that effort NEVER included my telling anyone to “watch my smoke.” I let my actions speak for me.

“Good things come in small packages,” “I’m going to do a great job for you,” “I’ve done this before, trust me,” “I’m an expert in my field,” “I’ll get it done on time,” “I love my family,” “I take care of my kids,” “I’m not a racist,” “I won’t let it happen again,” “You’re special to me,” “I’m a great leader,” and “I love you.” are ubiquitous. I’ve heard them all before, as, I’m sure you have. My answer: “Don’t tell me, show me.” I’ve also been known to say: “Don’t tell me about the labor, show me the baby.”

Kevin, a kidney transplant recipient, now works with Transplant Experience, a program that helps transplant patients get the most out of each day, and helps them get ready for what’s ahead. Their website is http://www.transplantexperience.com.



On a Google + post about social media “experts,” and some ways to make sure they actually know what they’re talking about, a gentleman who I don’t really know, but now plan to find out a LOT about (I just got an alert saying he just added me), Tim Southernwood, had a great statement that really struck me. That he made it the same day I knew I was writing this, was poetic serendipity. Tim wrote: “Generally speaking, most experts don’t have to proclaim their expertise. It’s evident.” Kevin would approve and agree.

Words don’t cost much at all, making them worth very little. Actions, however, are gold.

That’s the point!

- Tony

Rearranging the Sweater Shelf

Well, it’s that time again. You’re hearing everyone talk about spring cleaning. “I need to do this,” “I need to do that” statements abound.

For me, the heralding of springtime typically means two things: clean out the garage, and clean out, refold, and rearrange the shelf of sweaters in my closet. I live in Northern California below the snow line. That means that it gets chilly in the winter, with a number of days at or below freezing, but no snow. My need for sweaters is definitely not what it was in frequently-below-zero Omaha, Nebraska, my home before moving to the Sacramento area.

My sweater shelf is just above the area where my suits hang. Those who know me know that I’m a lover of suits, and you’ll seldom on a workday see me without one on. It’s all about dressing your brand. (Hey, a topic for a future post!) On that shelf are several sweaters, thick and thin, mostly blacks and whites with a few beiges and grays mixed in. On the rightmost section on the shelf, I have folded the few pairs of jeans (and a pair of cargo pants) I own. There are also some “special” t-shirts and polos there - mostly my coveted “Cheer Dad” t-shirt and Pleasant Grove Jr Eagles themed shirts.

I have a system… My thicker, and thus less-worn sweaters are on the left in the harder-to-reach section (it lines up behind the always-opened closet door requiring me to close it to access them). The more moderately-thick sweaters and long-sleeved turtlenecks, mock turtles, and zip-ups are in the easy-to reach middle section, then the jeans.

So, there’s a method to the madness.



The purpose of the annual straightening is to get everything back on track and in its rightful place. It’s to throw away the old and make hard decisions on whether or not to keep the things I hadn’t used. The hustle and bustle of daily living, as it does with most things, causes disorder. That disorder begets more disorder, and, before you know it, it’s all a catch-as-catch-can mess. I end up not knowing where particular items are because they get lost in the mess. One other advantage of straightening the shelf: finding sweaters I forgot I had!



We can apply this same thought process to life and living. I run into people all the time stuck in a messy, chaos-filled, disorganized shelf of a life. What’s the solution? Clean that shelf! Organize it, put sense and a purpose into it. Know what goes where. Throw or give away the old, things you’re not using, or that don’t fit anymore. You’ll feel better, be happier, and will be able to attack life with a renewed sense of purpose.

Clean that shelf…

That’s the point!

- Tony

Do Year End Bonuses Motivate?

End of year bonuses, particularly during these economic times, are being evaluated closely by businesses large and small. This issue becomes especially sharp with the generally limited-budgeted small business, however. Overall, I would say that, in general, these discretionary bonuses do little, if anything, to motivate employees. They do generate warm feelings and goodwill, but those feelings fade as soon as the money is spent.

If the goodwill they generate among employees is your goal, then have at it. Let me recommend, for maximal impact, these disbursements be awarded on the last working day before Thanksgiving. That way the employee can use the money to shop on “Black Friday.”

If your purpose is to actually motivate employees, then you need to take a different approach. It will require more effort on your, the small business owner’s, part, but will be well worth the investment.

Start planning for these non-discretionary year-end bonuses at the beginning of the year and incorporate the potential to earn them when you discuss performance objectives with your employees. These performance objectives must be based on and support your overall business strategy and be S.M.A.R.T. That is, Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound. That way, they are truly objective and there will be no room for any subjectivity. You can also add an element that ties a part of it to the earnings and profitability of your business.

From there, it will be important to codify this in writing, and review it - and the employee’s progress toward earning it - at each performance review during the year. It is this consistent review that will keep this fresh in your employees’ minds and serve as a key motivator. Do not just “fire and forget,” or mention it early, and not address it again until the year’s end. That gives the program the perception of being capricious and arbitrary – an obvious de-motivator. Once the objectives and KPI’s (Key Performance Indicators) are set, do not change them or raise the bar mid-stream. That is most definitely another de-motivator.

Once it does come time for the final review and determination of an employee’s receipt of the end-of-year bonus, be fair and have an eye toward the awarding of it. The immediate reaction and subsequent behavior and performance would show that this is truly the way to go for motivating your staff.

Learn more about small business and employee coaching and management at http://www.calsmallbiz.com.

That's the Point!

- Tony

Developing and Communicating Your Vision

In my last blog entry, I talked about teams performing their best when there’s a vision of success. I mentioned that it is the leader’s job - moral obligation, actually – to concoct and communicate this vision. He/she must then follow up to insure that this vision is internalized and lived by the team. I also said that the ability to do this is a critical discriminator that separates effective from ineffective leaders. This is the second of three blogs and will cover the development and communication of the vision of success.

As an aside, I referenced my son’s football team. Please allow me to very proudly announce that they won the Division Championship!! See? They played with a shared, internalized vision of success. (A killer defense helped!)

So, how does a leader develop this vision of success? My immediate answer is that it’s done with a lot of help. I received a lot of great feedback and commentary on my last post, and a point was made that the team must be involved in this. I agree wholeheartedly. Buy-in to anything is best achieved when those who must implement it have an active role in the development. This vision must satisfy the goals and objectives of each team member. The goals and vision of the parent organization also come into play. That is best accomplished by finding out what the leader’s superiors’ goals are and making sure the vision marries up with and is supportive to the organization’s objectives. That is the key, critical task…taking the various and sundry entities involved and meshing and melding sometimes conflicting goals, agendas, and objectives, flavoring them with the leaders own “spice,”then boiling them all down into a solid, easily articulated vision for the team.

Once done, the next task is communicating this vision. In the age of email, websites, Twitter, etc, that can be a tricky task. In addition to calling the team together (in person, preferably) and reviewing it, the vision must be formalized into the rating and evaluation “system.” I’m a big believer in frequent, documented (written) feedback and communication between leader and team. That feedback must then follow, or track, to quarterly, semiannual, and annual performance reviews. These reviews should and must have an input mechanism for the individual being rated or evaluated. Make that vision a part of this input, regular feedback, and formal reviews. In addition, the leader’s supervisors must be in on and supportive of this process. Individual behaviors that support the vision should be noted, as are behaviors and performance that detract from the vision.

I’ll cover acting on these behaviors and performance in the last part of this trilogy, as part of inspiring, training, educating, coaching, and motivating.

Again, importantly, it’s the leader’s ability to get his/her team through this process, that will, in large part, determine the success of the team…and the leader.

That’s the point!

- Tony

The Vision of Success

My 9 year old son plays on a football team. During one of his football games, I saw the sheer desire, the absolute will to win that his coach had. I also noted that that same will to win had not found its way to my son, nor the rest of the team that fateful Saturday morning. Needless to say, they lost.

I've managed and led teams of salespeople over the years in different industries. I’ve also led teams of various sizes during my 11 years in the Army. Each of these teams has been successful. My son’s football team won the league championship last year and, under the same excellent coach I mentioned above, has compiled a 2-1 record so far this season. My sales teams have consistently led in market share attainment and new-product launches in one industry, and have been a company leader in attainment of plan in the other industry. My military teams have also led in the categories that count. Turnover in all my teams has also historically been very low. All of these are markers of success.

I would propose to you that there is a commonality in all of these that is a trait of being successful. That commonality is a shared vision of success. Some may argue that this is a bit too simplistic – that it is much more than that. Allow me to disagree and tell you that everything else a team does and doesn’t do to be successful starts with this shared vision. It is this vision that inspires. It is this vision that motivates. It is this vision that permits each individual team member to do whatever it takes (and more). It is this vision, then, that become the rallying cry for the team when it is faced with challenges. It is this vision that buttresses the team to success in overcoming these challenges.

It is up to the leader to concoct and then communicate this vision. Once that is done, his/her main job, then, is to inspire, train, educate, coach, and motivate the team so this vision is inculcated, internalized, then implemented by each member. I hear the question frequently, what is leadership? I would submit to you that if the ability to do this well isn’t leadership, it is definitely a discriminator for effective leadership.

So, how do you concoct, then communicate this vision of success? How do you go about the leader’s everyday job of training, motivating, educating, and inspiring? How does a leader get his/her team to internalize then implement this vision? I’ll address that in the next edition.

After all, that’s the point!

- Tony

What's the Point?

I've blogged before in lots of forms and in even more forums over my years of being in school, in business, and now, currently. It just wasn't called "blogging." Heck, I didn't even know it was "blogging!" It was just a way to get something out....to get something off my chest...to show...to teach...to motivate...to inspire...to question...to challenge...to be challenged.

My most recent foray was as a part of the Nutrisystem weight loss online community, where, after having gained too much weight as a result of fatherhood, not paying attention to my health and fitness, and having high-pressure/low free-time jobs - the usual suspects, I had my first "real" blog experience. I called it "Tony's Rant" and I, at first, detailed my trials, thoughts, and advice as I lost 32 pounds using their food and the program. (I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to lose weight - it works!) After I lost the very unhealthy weight, I noticed that my success, as well as the others who were similarly successful, was based on a very pragmatic, no-nonsense, tough-love mindset. I adopted that mindset in my blogs subsequent to my weight loss. I also took on some "sacred cows," and caused more than a little controversy. It was a place where people came not only to have their virtual butt's chewed on, but to receive a parting inspirational, motivational "shot"...along with my offer to assist in any way I could. It was therapeutic, not only for me, but for those who read it as well (so the readers told me). I received numerous coaching offers and engagements from many of the readers based on what was said and the ensuing feedback. I know now that that therapeutic result can be equated to "value."

I intend to do the same here. It is my sincere hope that I can add value to anyone who drops by and takes a read. That value can take several forms. It can make you angry, make you talk, make you care, make you think, and make you act. I would appreciate knowing your thoughts, your feelings and your points of view. As I bring value to you, I will, in turn, get value from you.

What's the point? That's the point!

- Tony